I have no comment on LJ's holiday fail, mostly because this kind of thing ALWAYS makes me spazz. >.< And I have a problem with not giving up on things until things have gotten so freakin' bad that I can't stand it. Meh. Mostly, it's less not giving things up and more that ALL MY STUFF IS HERE AND I HATE CHANGE. >.< Rrrrh. Fuck. *gnaws on things* I don't need one more thing to stress over though. >.<

...I am still a slow fucking tagger. I need to stop that. :\ Rawr. That is also making me spazz, but that's... Just me being neurotic.

JUST LIKE MY DEEP, DEEP DESIRE FOR SPOILERS FOR MY SHOWS IS ME BEING EXTREMELY NEUROTIC. Ugh. I need information, people. I do not like surprises. Unless they're good surprises. This year has been good about giving me good surprises (the Trickster revelation! THE SURPRISE COMA!), with the exception of the Juliet Fiasco and the Jo and Ellen Ordeal, which I am still traumatized by. On both counts. Argh.

ON THE PLUS SIDE, Mom and I took an unexpected trip to Murray that cheered me right up. We did a lot of finishing up some Christmas stuff while things were calmed down so we didn't have to bother with the Last Weekend Before Christmas crowds and tomorrow I'm going to clean up the living room (which is much easier to clean than the den) so Brittany can put up the tree when she gets off from school. IT WILL LOOK LIKE CHRISTMAS AROUND HERE, DAMMIT. :|

I also have a new 'verse that I'm playing with. I guess when you can't write, you.... Can play? I'm wondering if it's big enough to warrant a wiki section for it. ....That poor Wiki was supposed to just be for Descantverse and now it's a disorganized mess for all my 'verses. The ones that aren't just meant to be single novels anyway. Mrmph. Maybe I'll break out my original fiction comm and find PB's and stuff and explore with that. If I can't tag properly, I can... At least do that.

I keep meaning to make an actual post, but... keep getting sidetracked.

So this is just a post to say that I have backed up my LJ on Dreamwidth - it's allfireburns, just like here - and will be crossposting from there from now on. You'll still see posts on this journal, and you can comment either here or there, but between LJ's recent genderfail and their frankly idiotic "holiday promotion", I feel safer having a backup and a different home base for my journal.

(Re: LJ's genderfail: Yes, they did roll back those intended changes. However, I do not believe it was a mistake, as LJ would like you to believe, and the fact that their "apology" took the tone of "we're sorry some evil person is misleading you by READING THE CODE WE PUT IN THE CHANGELOG" rather pisses me off.

Re: LJ's "holiday promotion": this and this sum up my feelings on the matter. Anything else I could say would rapidly devolve into something like "FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU ARE YOU STUPID?" in LJ's general direction.)

If anyone would like a Dreamwidth account and doesn't have one, I have 10 invite codes available and can always request more. Just ask. And if anyone has a Dreamwidth account they'd like me to be subscribing to over there (with allfireburns - I've already got a few of you on my writing journal, mortalcity), let me know! (By the way, Dreamwidth has no holiday promotion, but ETA: Dreamwidth does have a holiday promotion, and their paid accounts have 100 icons and are $35 - the same amount as an LJ paid account + extra userpics. And if you really want, there is the option to upgrade to 250 userpics. I love Dreamwidth.)

...I swear I'll be making an actual entry at some point. Man, I suck at this journalling thing lately.

EDIT: Someone on DW pointed out that they do have a holiday promotion (see above). God, if it weren't for most of my friends and all the comms I love being on LJ, I would camp out at DW and never leave.

At some point, I will get up the will to do tags that don't just belong to one character. I know I have a shiny new fandom and I'm addicted to it and really like playing that character, but dear God, I have other tags. A lot of other tags... Okay, right now just three, but if anything, it makes my spazz and fail at DOING THOSE TAGS kind of ridiculous. :| ....This is also not helping that intense, isolated feeling I keep getting attacked with. WELL, CHRIS, IF YOU DIDN'T FAIL, MAYBE YOU WOULDN'T BE ISOLATED. :|

Meh. I've been kinda weird for the past few days. I don't know why. It's just irrational melancholy and spazz. Pfft. Oh well, I'm getting that worked on. Somehow. Mrmph. I'd feel a lot better if I knew what was causing this. Possibly it's the fact that it's nearly Christmas and it doesn't feel like Christmas. I think I need to marathon a bunch of Christmas episodes of shows or something.... I don't know if I have that many. My shows fail at Christmas specials. :\ (I HAVE THAT CHRISTMASY EPISODE OF HOUSE WHERE LIZ MITCHELL PLAYED A NUN THOUGH.)

WE GOT OUR CHRISTMAS SHOPPING DONE LAST NIGHT THOUGH. This is a happy thing! :D ...Okay, there's a couple more things we need to get in Murray on Friday, because Mart of Wal in Paris decided to hate on the Rebuild of Evangelion DVD I wanted and Mom is going to run by Peddler's Mall to liberate their copy of Band of Brothers for me.

I keep getting these extremely neurotic desires to organize things. First it was my closet and now I'm annoyed with my desk and my room as a whole. I don't even know what I could do with my desk to fix it.... But oh, you bet I'm about to figure it out. And then tomorrow while I'm forced to begin a long trek of waiting for the UPS trucks who would only run early if I slept in, I will clean the den and see if I can get the tree up.

First counselor appointment went very well. I have a tineh girl for a counselor (her name is Abbey, which is adorable), and she suffered from a lot of the same stuff I suffer from, so while she was initially just the intake counselor, she agreed to take my case on as hers. She is so precious and actually feels like a person, as opposed to a condescending douchebag, so she's easy to talk to, which... I feel bad for her, because I talked her ear off. XD But she's a sweetie. I told her about how I couldn't sleep last night and how I got a hair in my ass about reorganizing my closet and she just LOOKED at me and went, ".....I did the same thing last night." SQUEE. Socute.

I have another appointment with her on the 28th and then an appointment with the psychologist on January 6th to see about medication. Things look very awesome!

Later today, Mom and I are going on (FINALLY) a valiant shopping quest. So yeah... I anticipate today being a pretty good day overall. Yay! I GOT A BURGER FOR LUNCH. DELICIOUS BURGER. OM NOM. Today cannot possibly be bad! BECAUSE I SAY SO.

*rolls on people* I hope everyone else is having/will have when they wake up a pleasant day. <333

THIS SONG NEEDS TO STOP MAKING ME LAUGH. OH GOD. IT'S NOT FUNNY.

Also, I spammed your flist.

But, um.... HEY, LOOK AT THIS THING. YOU KNOW YOU WANT A PIECE OF MY HOLIDAY LOVE MEME THREAD.

Everyone I know also needs to do it. Now. (Or... Uh, tomorrow or sometime soon!) I wish to lavish love upon you all.

DO NOT DENY ME MY RIGHT TO GIVE YOU RANDOM ANONYMOUS LOVE.

....PLEASE, GOD, LET ME SLEEP NOW.

I fail at this whole sleeping thing.

But I was laying in bed and something random occurred to me about the fucking Trickster.

( Spoilers for Changing Channels... SHUT UP. I WILL NEVER STOP SQUEEING OVER THAT EPISODE. )

....Someone knock me unconscious. I can't make my mind stop wandering for long enough to fall asleep.

I will never be over this song. >.>

I have to be up at 7:30 in the morning tomorrow to go to my first therapist's appointment.

Hahahahaha.... I am so doomed. >.< I can't sleep before, like, three in the morning, except on those rare occasions when I get so bored that even laying in bed and staring at the ceiling is better than refreshing the same five pages over and over like a crazy person.

Today is fired. I want to tear the universe apart with my teeth, because my friends are hurting and I feel utterly useless, because I want to fix it, but I can't. Rrrh. So I'm stuck with all these restless, predatory feelings.

*rolls on her people* I love all of you so, so, so much, and I really wish I could help you all. I hurt for you. And I don't know what to do, because I'm barely good at my own emotions. *nuzzles and loves on people*

I need to go find out what the hell I'm wearing tomorrow, so I don't have to dig in my closet for nice clothes, and then figure out a way to channel this restless, overwhelming protective energy into something constructive.

Take the first sentence from the first entry of each month of 2009.

( How do you measure a year in the life? )


....Verdict? THIS YEAR SUCKED EMOTIONALLY.

In other news, LJ's apparently not doing that sale on paid accounts. SO ANNOYED. >.< Sark and Des's paid accounts are expiring and I wanted to get Topher one too.... Like I have any money for any of that, BUT MAYBE IF I HAD, YOU KNOW, SOME AID. Augh.

Of course, money stress goes so far beyond my selfish need for paid accounts. >.< We're struggling to even have money for Christmas presents and various bills. Mrrrh. It'll work out. Mom gets paid tomorrow, even if she has to use some of that money to pay for my therapist's appointment tomorrow and Dad's supposed to have a huge check coming and aklsdjlsadla. I don't even know anymore. >.< Wanting anything right now seems ridiculously selfish.

This year is fired.

Ah. THAT'S why I was so nervous.

When I tried to get my car out, it slid down the hill a little ways, 'cause of the ice. I figure, okay, go around, there's another way up the little hill, no biggie.

I get stuck in the mud.

Once the landlord stops by to salt and sand the driveway, I'm calling a tow truck to pull me out.

Also, I hate everything. And feel like a flake. Calling in to tell the woman who hired me that I can't come in 'cause I'm stuck in the mud? NOT the best way to start at a new job. -_-

ugh.

Today's a big day! first day at my new job, wowee. have I mentioned I'm glad I'm getting paid every week?

Still, 20 hours a week isn't going to cover the expenses. Even if I get scheduled for 30 hours a week every week, it won't.

I'm going in on 2 hours of sleep, but I was barely tired enough to go to sleep when I did, so I guess I'll manage. I'm only in for 5 hours, anyway - that'll go fast. I'm used to 8 1/2 hour days.

god, why'm I so nervous?

I hope my knee doesn't act up.

It's raining again. >.< I'm getting really fucking tired of the rain. Especially since when it's thundering out, I get really spazzy.

Also, everyone in the house went to bed tonight without telling me and something about that freaks me the fuck out. Argh. I'm feeling kind of stressed right now. Not in the... Usual way that I'm working through. In the, "There are things beyond my control that I'm bothered by" kind of stress.

...Technically, that should be filed under "Useless Spazz," but... Well, rainy night with the added benefit of wandering through the house earlier to find it completely dark and everyone else in bed with no warning just... Sets my nerves a-twitching. It happens. I cannot beat everything.

Tuesday I'm going to see the doctor. Tuesday is also, allegedly, the day we do some Christmas shopping. I keep saying that. Maybe at some point it'll actually happen. Gah.

I'm debating sleep. It's probably necessary.

At some point, I really need to do my freakin' tags. >.< Maybe tomorrow. Depending on how I feel when I wake up. Hopefully, I will be in a better mood and not spazzing over stupid, trivial crap. I would also love to be able to write, but I don't have the brains or the ideas for that yet... Or rather, I have a few ideas I want to write, but I'm all, "....I have no idea HOW to write that." It's a problem. :|

Mrmph. I want a lovepile. *rolls on her peoples*

Aubrey and I just had a long chat about certain characters in certain fandoms who are getting an UNDESERVED bad name around the internet, and I feel like I need to set the record straight. Keeping in mind one thing.... I am not good with meta. This will probably be an incoherent mess. Also, I'm not... An expert on Adelle DeWitt, by any means, so my interpretations may be flawed. I just have a strong, strong love for her archetype.

And, honestly? This is a meta for fandom's treatment of female characters, IN GENERAL. Not just in Dollhouse. It's a subject that makes my stomach CHURN, because it happens in even the best of fandoms. And... Yeah. Maybe it will never stop, but it needs to be stated and I'm feeling angry and ranty.

( In which Chris rages... A lot. )

And if another person calls Adelle De Witt a monster, I am personally tearing their head off verbally.

sdlkjsal;kfdl;askd;la

THE PRINCESS AND THE FROG, GUYS.

I CAN'T EVEN. I DON'T EVEN. I HAVE NEVER SMILED THAT MUCH IN A MOVIE. I SERIOUSLY.... OMG. THEY WROTE A PRINCE WITH AN ACTUAL PERSONALITY. THERE WAS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT AND AN ACTUAL LOVE STORY THAT WASN'T JUST LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT.

AND... AND.... OMG. I THINK THE SHADOW MAN MIGHT RANK AS ONE OF MY FAVORITE DISNEY VILLAINS. POSSIBLY BECAUSE I FIND HIS VOICE SEXY.

....This also might be the first Disney movie where I didn't like the supporting cast much (well, besides Lottie, but Lottie was just hilarious). The two leads were actually FANTASTIC. And Tiana kinda ranks up there with Meg for Favorite Disney Heroine. BUT NAVEEEEEN. He is my favorite.

The only problem I had with it was that the music COULD have been better, but it had the right style. I just hate Randy Newman. (The Shadow Man's song was the best... Possibly because of the aforementioned sexy voice.)

( SPOILER. )

Now that I've managed to watch Meet Jane Doe again and check up on the bits that were likely to make me SPAZZ again.... Simultaneous bleedover and frustration? NOT FUN. >.< Gah. IF SOME THINGS AREN'T RESOLVED BY NEXT WEEK, I'M GONNA CRY.

In other news, apparently Darker Than Black was really spazz-inducing tonight too. .____. I am going to watch that with Jae and Caroline in a moment and I am a trifle bit concerned. WAUGH.

I can't believe it's almost Christmas. It doesn't feel like Christmas. Lacking presents, tree, and decorations, aside... I don't even know. Something is weird and wrong. :\ It might feel better when we have money and the time and energy to devote to holiday stuff, but right now.... It's kinda blargh.

Tomorrow, God willing, Mom and I are going to see The Princess and the Frog. I am so excited for that. It's unreal ....Yes, I'm secretly seven years old, but MY CHILDHOOD. I sat through Enchanted with this big, stupid grin on my face. I don't even know how I'm going to react to this movie. Just.... Say whatever you want to about how Disney is evil and crap, but I was RAISED on Disney movies. Every year, they would release a new one and every year, my little butt would be in a seat up until this whole three-dimensional animation nonsense started up and the movies lost their heart and soul. (Bolt remains the only Disney movie in that style that I've seen that actually feels like a Disney movie, but it's still missing a lot of the magic that the old-fashioned cell-drawn animation had.) So yeah. I'm hoping and praying we get to go out tomorrow to see it.

It doesn't help that I badly, BADLY want out of the house. Auuuugh. So flaily. It's easy to be positive and not stressed when you can get away from the internet and the TV for awhile.... And, honestly, when they're right here, I don't... Get away from them. I physically can't. Bleah.

HOLY SHIT. HOLY SHIT. HOLY SHIT.

( Dollhouse 2X07/2X08: Meet Jane Doe/ A Love Supreme )

To every Star Trek fan whose rage and grief over the remake I may have belittled:

I KNOW YOUR PAIN.

I am just... In SHOCK. This was my Star Trek. I came home from school every day and watched reruns of the show on TNN/Spike TV/Whatever the hell it used to be called. I saw the first movies when I was eleven and going through a Sean Connery phase. This franchise pretty much exists to frustrate and annoy me, but I love it. It's my baby, my oldest fandom. And just... aklsjdlasd;la.

....And knowing me I will probably watch the remake. Possibly even enjoy it (unless the main character is a new Connor, rather than just a new MacLeod- NO ONE IS CONNOR BUT CHRISTOPHER LAMBERT). I have watched every Highlander-related thing I could get my hands on from the anime to the animated series to the movies that no one wants to talk about. (I still haven't seen Reunion, but that's because you can only buy it off the official site and that SITE HATES MY SOUL... I wants it though, precious. IT IS A MOVIE FEATURING ONLY CHARACTERS I CARE ABOUT. AS IN PEOPLE WHO AREN'T DUNCAN.) So... Basically, I have no shame when it comes to this franchise. And, you know, big budgets mean Quickenings look badass. This does not make my rage go away.

I'm gonna go hate the world.

.....AND THEN I LOOKED UP THE NEW MOVIE ON WIKI AND OH FUCK, THEY ARE RECASTING CONNOR. I AM GOING TO CRY. I DON'T EVEN CARE THAT THE GUY THEY ARE PROBABLY CASTING IS THE FIRST HIGHLANDER WHO IS ACTUALLY SCOTTISH. NOT MY CONNOR. And the guy they cast as the Kurgan looks like Silas. And I am not okay with the world anymore.

I REITERATE THE DESIRE TO HATE THE WORLD.

.....The problem with being an unrepentant DVD collector who spends most of her extra money on pawn shop movies?

Every now and then, I'll go to my shelves and have a moment where I go, "HOW LONG HAVE I HAD SCHINDLER'S LIST? ....When did I buy that? OH MY GOD, I REMEMBER NOTHING."

...And that is my random flail for the night. XD

(I HAVE FINISHED MY TAGS. I LOVE GOING TO BED WITH MY TAGS FINISHED... Unless someone tags me between now and when this movie is over.)

I love Identity, unrelated to anything ever. Even if it weirds me out that Dr. Cox is playing a neurotic father and Jordan McDeere is playing a whore. IT IS THE BEST PSYCHOLOGICAL THRILLER.

It occurs to me that I kinda have an overabundance of depressing icons. Um.

SO. I managed to get through all today without one panic attack, so clearly this new mental state is exactly all it's cracked up to be. I even woke up to more joy! ....I am such a stickler for a compliment. BUT I AM NOT THRIVING ON THEM. ...Or, rather, I'm not surviving on them. Thriving is okay. Surviving on them is bad. Very bad. So yeah.

But yes. .....I actually slept until 4:30 today. That was kind of unexpected, but I was all OMG BED IS WARM AND COMFY, NO I WILL NOT GET UP. And then it was 4:30 and I was all, "....Well, fuck." But pfft. I may have slept through all the daylight, but if I'm not stressing out when it gets dark, then we're good.

Of course, it's hit that moment where it feels later than it is and I'm kinda getting tired, but I don't wanna sleep. Bah. I think I'm gonna vanquish the tags in my inbox and watch movies. Probably Identity. I keep trying to watch that movie and then getting distracted. And then possibly A Scanner, Darkly again.

(Have I mentioned that movie is brilliant? Because it's brilliant. I got distracted watching it too and I need to watch it again when I can pay attention.)

...I will not be watching Dollhouse. I can do that tomorrow before the new episodes. Damn shiny new fandoms. :\

I would be a lot happier if I could write things, but... Meh. I can deal. And maybe there will finally be Christmas shopping AT SOME POINT this weekend. I dunno.

You know that whole... Idea that if you think good things, more good things will follow?

It is SO TRUE.

I just got a random comment from a stranger that made me NIGHT like you wouldn't believe, and I feel like such a dork for it, but when you've been stressing about how good you are at things, and then just finally go, "FUCK IT. I DON'T NEED TO STRESS MYSELF OUT- I VALIDATE MYSELF" and then you GET a wonderful comment that makes you feel warm and fuzzy.... Yeah.

^___^ Tonight is so fantastic.

So today was fun!

To start off, it began snowing around midnight, and fell pretty steadily until about 5. In that time, Ace insisted on being taken out no less than SIX TIMES, so she could play in the snow. And then the sun came up, and as it was rising, Aub and I took Ace to go play in the snow. I ran around with Ace, and was knocked over into the snow way too many times. (There was also an incident of Ace's leash coming unclipped, and, me being in seven-year-old mode, I dove head first into a leafless bush to catch her. After we came back in, I noticed I'd gotten scraped up by branches near my eye. I am, however, fine.) Aub and I made a snow boulder (it's about waist-height, or was this morning), and decided we're going to try to make a snow boulder as big as we can this winter. Also we're planning to build a snow fort to wage war on, Iunno, the wildlife. Maybe we'll each build a snow fort and wage war on each other.

I've never built a snow fort before, so I'm not entirely sure how to do it, but I think I'll manage.

Sadly, the snow mostly melted into slush during the day. :< I did, however, manage to drive safely to my interview at the supermarket. I put "deli" as my first choice of jobs, partially because the less register work I have to do, the happier I am, and partially because I did work in a deli for about a month, waaaaaay back in the day. And whaddayaknow, they're hiring for deli. I'm not thrilled with the idea, and they only do part time, so I'd have to get a second PT job to cover the losses there, but I think I've a pretty good chance of getting the job.

The second job will be harder, I think, whatever it might be. *sigh* Anyway, cross your fingers.

Also, the heater's pilot light keeps going out. I don't know why. I wish to do violence (or at least figure out how to fix it).

Other than that, I haven't done much, but the snow this morning really made my day. :) It's been ages since I had a proper snow-romp. I even made snow angels. ^^